Penny Mosby's Wedding
by Corrupt200
Summary: Penny and her boyfriend go to Ted and Robin's 10th anniversary dinner party with a big surprise...they're engaged! Ted and Robin arrange a wedding in France, the way Ted and Tracy originally planned to marry. The entire gang goes to France for the big event. At the hotel, they are confronted with an unexpected visitor...Tracy! Her ghost has come for the wedding.
1. Chapter 1

_Mosby House-April, 2042_

_Ted and Robin are in the living room arranging everything for the family and friends to arrive for their 10th wedding anniversary._

TED: Wow! 10 years!

ROBIN: It's amazing! Literally feels more like 37 though!

TED: It was a big roller coaster ride filled with triumph and tragedy but it brought me back to the beginning with you. [embraces and kisses Robin on the lips] Hey! You finally used 'literally' in the proper context.

[the phone rings. Ted clicks a remote to turn on a TV screen]

TED: Hello, Penny!

ROBIN: Hi, Penny!

PENNY: Hi, Dad! Hi, Robin! Listen I'm on my way. Johnny is also coming with me too. You don't mind me bringing an extra guest over, do ya?

TED: No, your boyfriend is wonderful. That is one guy I'd love to have as a son-in-law.

ROBIN: Yes, he's welcome here anytime. How can I not like some who is in journalism like you and me?

PENNY: Great! Thanks guys. I will see you soon. Bye!

[Ted turns off the screen.]

TED: Time really flies. My little girl is all grown up and now a journalist for the Wall Street Journal. She's becoming more like her mom everyday…and also a bit like her stepmom. [turning to Robin] You're wonderful. I don't know how I could have handled those years as a single dad without you.

ROBIN: I wouldn't have done it for anyone else. I love you Ted. [they kiss again]

End of Act 1


	2. Penny Mosby's Wedding-Act 2

Act 2-Mosby Living Room

[the doorbell rings. Ted opens the door. Enter Luke]

LUKE: Hi Dad. Hi Robin. Happy 10th Anniversary to both of you. [hugs Ted and Robin]

TED: Thank you, son!

ROBIN: Thank you Luke!

LUKE: Oh! I got presents for you guys! [hands over two books to Ted and Robin]

TED: Wow! A picture book of European architecture!

ROBIN: A complete biography of Peter Jennings. Oh my God! He was the one who inspired me to go into journalism…the Canadian of Canadians. Yes Ted! I got ABC broadcasting growing up, since Vancouver is close to Seattle! It's kinda ironic that I moved to this country the same year he died.

TED: Not ironic, more of a coincidence. You see, ironic means…

ROBIN: Oh for God's sake please don't correct me today! I don't want to fight on our 10th anniversary.

TED: Sorry, sweetie.

[doorbell rings. Robin opens the door. Lily and Marshall are standing]

ROBIN: Lily! Marshall! It's so good to see you! How was the flight from Dulles?

MARSHALL: It was decent.

TED: Hello, Marshall. Hello, Lilly. It's so good to see you two. New York is not the same without you guys.

MARSHALL: It was tough leaving you guys. But you know that a U.S. Supreme Court Justice is so hard to pass up.

ROBIN: I understand, Ultra Fudge Supreme. Oh, Lily, how is the curator job treating you?

LILY: It's excellent! In addition, I sold a couple of paintings locally. The veterinary clientele still seems to be the highest…except for bird specialists. I also give tours for the elementary school classes that come on field trips, so I still teach kids...in a way.

[doorbell rings again. Luke goes to answer]

LUKE: I'll answer it.

[opens door. Enter Barney]

LUKE: Uncle Barney! Hi! Where's Ellie?

BARNEY: She is busy rehearsing for her final play at NYU. She is really swamped and stressed right now.

LUKE: I think she will be fine. Can't believe she's going to graduate soon.

BARNEY: Yeah, time flies. How's medical school treating you?

LUKE: It's like drinking directly from a fire hydrant. So much memorizing! It's hell on earth, but it's worth it. I love being on the cutting edge of finding a cure for Mom's illness…it's just hard to bring up the excitement with Dad, for obvious reasons.

BARNEY: Yeah, your dad can get pretty emotional at times. And she was very nice person.

TED: Barney! What happening? Suited up like always!

ROBIN: Barney! Great to see you!

BARNEY: Happy Anniversary to you both. Despite everything, it is great to see you two happy together after years of loneliness. And, Robin, I'd have always preferred you to be with Ted than anyone else.

ROBIN: [hugging Barney with a few tears rolling down] Thank you Barney. That was so sweet.

[Doorbell rings. Ted goes to answer.]

[enter Penny and Johnny]

PENNY: [hugging Dad] Happy anniversary, Dad. [hugging Robin] Happy Anniversary Robin.

JOHNNY: Happy Anniversary, Mr. and Mrs. Mosby. [shakes Ted and Robin's hands]

TED and ROBIN: Thank you Penny, Thank you John.

PENNY: I have a big surprise for you, Dad. I will tell you at dinner.

DAD: What is it?

PENNY: Daddy, have patience!

ROBIN: Let's all convene in the dining room, and you can tell us then.

[The whole gang makes their way to the dining room]

End of Act 2


	3. Penny Mosby's Wedding-Act 3

Act 3

Dining Room. Penny and Johnny are seated next to each other. Lily is seated next to Penny and Marshall is on her other side. Luke is seated between Marshall and Barney. Ted is seated next to Barney. There is an empty seat next to Ted. On the walls are various family photos from the Tracy years, the widower years, and the Robin years. Also on one of the walls is a blue French horn (aka Smurf penis).

Enter Robin with a bottle of champagne.

ROBIN: Champagne, anyone? Loire Valley!

ALL: [at various time] Sure. Thank you Robin.

[glasses are filled. Robin sits in the empty seat next to Ted and kisses his lips]

LILY: Aww that's so cute!

TED: So Penny, what's the big news?

PENNY: Well, Dad, you see…

TED: Wait a minute. My detective skills are still sharp! When you entered, you left hand was in your pocket. You only hugged Robin and me with your right arm. During the whole time you've been with us, you've been keeping your left hand in your left pocket. Right now only your right hand is on the table. You hand an accident with a finger on you left hand and you're trying to hide it. Luke, you're a doctor…

LUKE: Not for another couple of years Dad!

TED: Go check your sister's finger and put some first aid on it!

PENNY: You're right Dad. I had an accident today. I put this ring on my finger and I can't get it off! [Shows left hand with a ring on the ring finger]

[the crowd gasps in joy]

PENNY: Daddy, I'm engaged!

[the crowd claps and cheers]

TED: Oh my god! Congratulations, Penny! [looking at Johnny] Welcome to the family, son.

LILY: [in tears] I'm so happy for you, Penny! [Hugs Penny, Ted comes over to hug Penny]

ROBIN: [with a few tears] First, my step-daughter becomes a journalist, and now I will have a stepson-in-law who is a journalist. [Goes over to hug Penny and Johnny]

MARSHALL: [standing up with glass in hand] I want to raise a toast. First to Ted and Robin. For 10 wonderful years of marriage! And my finally winning my bet with Lily! Second to the newly engaged couple, Penny and Johnny! Cheers!

ALL: Cheers!

TED: I am so blessed! It's so wonderful that the entire family is here to celebrate this wonderful news.

[Penny looks down and sheds a few tears, Johnny embraces her she buries her eyes in his shoulder]

TED: Oh, Penny, don't cry! [hugging her too] I miss her [Tracy] too. We all miss her. But she's here in spirit. She must be smiling down from heaven right now and spreading the wonderful news to all her friends in heaven, including Max.

LILY: If you cry, Penny, I'll start crying too. [starts to sob. Marshall hugs her to calm her down]

ROBIN: [approaching Penny and hugging her] Don't cry dear. I miss her too, but we are all happy for you, and you should stay happy for Mom. She'd have wanted it. I think I know the perfect place for the wedding. Actually Mom and Dad originally wanted this type of wedding for themselves. [Turning to Ted] Ted, lets get her and Johnny married at a castle in France, the way you and Tracy originally wanted.

TED: I don't know, honey.

ROBIN: It will be perfect. Tracy touched all our lives, and we'll be able to feel her spirit there at the wedding. She'd be very happy to know that her daughter got the dream wedding that she could never really get around to.

PENNY: [smiling again] That's actually a great idea Robin. It would be very romantic. Johnny and I were thinking about going to Europe anyway for our honeymoon.

ROBIN: Also, I speak French fluently because of those compulsory French language classes I had to take as a kid back in Vancouver (I got all A's on them). You already have got an interpreter with you right here, so you don't have to worry about being treated like crap there.

MARSHALL: Ted, I think you should do it for Penny…and Tracy.

LILY: Come on Ted.

LUKE: Yeah, Dad. I think Mom would have loved it. It will definitely keep her spirit alive at the wedding.

BARNEY: Ted, go for it. That wedding will be legen…wait for it…dary!

ROBIN: Think about it honey. You have to teach that course on European architecture in the fall. So we could tour some of those different buildings and you could get some ideas for the syllabus. And if we could get Penny's wedding scheduled for July, you and I could celebrate my birthday in Paris together afterwards while the lovebirds are on their honeymoon.

TED: Yes, let's go for it!

[The crowd cheers. Ted pulls Robin towards him and exchanges a long passionate kiss with her]

MARSHALL: Oh god! Get a room you two!

TED: You should talk, Marshall! [continues kissing Robin]

[End of Act 3]


	4. Penny Mosby's Wedding-Act 4

Act 4

Late May, 2042. Mosby living room. Ted is sitting on the same couch Penny and Luke sat in 2030 listening to Ted ramble on about how he met Tracy. His gray hair is messed up and his eyes are rolling in frustration as he talk to the screen.

TED: [in French] Like I said before, I want to reserve your castle for a male strip show and orgy. My 26-year old goat is getting married and this is what she want. Why are you two laughing?

[we see the screen with one man and one woman laughing and gossiping to each other in French]

FRENCH MAN: Silly American!

FRENCH WOMAN: Where did he learn his French? McDonalds?

TED: [in French] Come on stop laughing! I want to throw an orgy! About 100 monkeys will be attending this happy event in my dear goat's life!

[door opens. Enter Robin and Penny]

TED: [still talking in French] Also I need someone who will provide the guests with an ample supply of horse urine to drink! Merde! What is wrong with you people? Didn't you ever have a goat that got married?

[Robin sits on the couch next to Ted]

ROBIN: [in English] Ted, what do you call a person who speaks one language? An American! I had 13 years of compulsory French back in Vancouver. Let me talk to them.

[Robin looks at the screen. Penny sits next to her.]

ROBIN: [in French] I'd like to apologize for my husband. He claims to know French, but what do you expect from an American? This beautiful girl seated next to me is his daughter and my stepdaughter. She is engaged to be married. We'd really like to use your castle for her wedding for July.

FRENCH MAN: But why use our castle?

ROBIN: [still in French] It is a long story. My husband and his first wife wanted to marry in a castle in France, but something always came up including the birth of my stepdaughter. They eventually married in an American church. They were hoping in the future to renew their vows in a French castle, but she got sick and died.

FRENCH WOMAN: Mon Dieu! That is so sad. Tell your stepdaughter and husband I'm sorry for their loss.

PENNY: [to Robin] Thank you Robin, I can take it from here. [to the screen in French] Thank you, it happened a long time ago when I was a child. So, my dad, stepmom, and I decided to carry out a dream of my mom's to preserve her spirit. My dad, who is an architect, saw a picture of your castle and thought it was the most beautiful castle in France. We also liked that in was near the Riviera, because we love beaches.

[Ted looks a Penny in amazement and bewilderment]

ROBIN: So fellows, think about this sweet girl, who just wants to preserve her mom's memory and carry out her dream. Didn't you have any dreams you wanted to fulfill that never materialized?

FRENCH MAN: Madame Mosby, Madamoiselle Mosby, you touched my heart. I will definitely make sure your wedding is carried out. We can arrange your wedding to take place on July 20. How does that sound?

ROBIN: [to Ted in English] Is July 20 okay for you honey?

TED: It's terrific. Penny?

PENNY: July 20 is fine, Dad.

ROBIN: [to screen in French] July 20 is perfect. Please confirm.

FRENCH WOMAN: Okay. [typing on tablet] July 20, 2042. Penny Mosby. Madame Mosby, your French is excellent and so is your stepdaughter's. Are you Canadian by any chance?

ROBIN: Oui. But how did you know?

FRENCH WOMAN: You pronounce certain words different from the way we do, and you use certain terms that are more Quebecois.

ROBIN: Oh I see. My husband and our friends make cracks at the way I pronounce "about" and "sorry".

FRENCH MAN: Anyway, you are confirmed. We should have no problems. [looking at Ted] Monsieur Mosby, if we have any question or concerns in the future regarding the wedding arrangements, we'll be in touch…with you wife!

ROBIN and PENNY: Merci beaucoup. Au revoir.

PENNY: Thanks, Robin. I'm gonna go call Johnny. [exits to bedroom]

[Ted and Robin face each other on the couch. They talk in English.]

TED: Thanks for helping me out there.

ROBIN: Where did you learn your French? Whatever they taught you at high school or Wesleyan wasn't enough.

TED: Don't diss my alma mater. Wesleyan is an excellent school. By the way, if Americans can only speak one language, why is Penny so good at French?

ROBIN: That's because she had an excellent tutor during her high school and college days.

TED: Well, do you think can I get that tutor to give me some lessons before we fly out?

ROBIN: I don't know. Do you think little Ted can behave during the lessons?

TED: You have my permission to smack him if he misbehaves.

[They kiss and get up from the couch walk toward their bedrrom]

ROBIN: Come on, let's book that hotel before your knowledge of the French language gets us booked into a strip club.

TED: That'd be heaven on earth for Barney.

ROBIN: Ellie will kill him.

End of Act 4


	5. Penny Mosby's Wedding-Act 5

Act 5

July 4, 2042, 7:00 pm. Westchester Cemetery. The sun is setting in the horizon. Ted is kneeling at Tracy's grave. Her epitaph reads:

TRACY McCONNELL MOSBY

SEPTEMBER 19, 1984-OCTOBER 4, 2024

BELOVED WIFE, MOTHER, FRIEND

MAY SHE REST IN PEACE

GONE TOO SOON BUT ALWAYS THERE IN OUR HEARTS

TED: Happy Independence Day, honey. [chuckling] It's one of the few things I really can't enjoy telling Robin, even though she finally did end up getting sworn in as a citizen. I don't come here as often as I used to in the late 2020s, but it does not mean I don't miss you any less. [places a bouquet of daisies at her tombstone] You would be happy to know that Penny's wedding plans are going without a hitch. Our dream wedding ceremony will be done through her. My God, she looks more and more like you everyday and whenever I see her, I see you in a way. [sigh] I sometimes think back to 2024 at Farhampton, when you asked, "Which mother does not show up her own daughter's wedding?" Remember how my eyes filled with tears because I knew the answer? [sighs again] It was just a week after your diagnosis and I knew the answer. [reaches into his pocket at pulls out an envelope with "Mom" written on it] We finished mailing the invitations, but Penny insisted I give you one too. [places envelope at base of the tombstone] I wish you could show p for the wedding, honey. I'd be tickled to death (no pun intended) to see your ghost there.

[The sky gets darker. A shooting star goes by. Suddenly a few fireworks start going off.]

TED: Hey, Tracy, I gotta get going. Robin wanted me to take her to see the fireworks. She loves the fireworks, though she still goes "Happy Canada Day!" instead of "Happy ID4!" (They fall around the same time.) See you later, I love you! [kisses tombstone]

End of Act 5


	6. Penny Mosby's Wedding-Act 6

Act 6.

July 16, 2042. Interior of an Air France Boeing. Economy Class. Penny and Johnny are seated near one window (Penny at the window, Johnny on the aisle) and they are exchanging kisses. Robin and Ted are seated behind Penny and Johnny with Ted seated by the window and Robin seated on the aisle seat. They are also exchanging some kisses while Robin is teaching Ted some French. Luke is seated across from Robin with earphones listening to music on his smartphone.

TED: Thanks for letting me have the window seat.

ROBIN: I figured since you don't go to Paris as much I do, you should take a look from the plane. Also, since I'm almost 62, I need to be able to get up and walk when given the opportunity. That way I don't get a pulmonary embolism. I don't want you be a second time widower anytime soon.

TED: I just feel a little bad that we had to go econ, especially with all your frequent flyer miles.

ROBIN: I know, sweetheart, but we had to do a lot of budgeting. A lot of money has been spent on the castle and the hotel. Also, with my frequent flyer miles, I could only get three of us on the plane with first class as opposed to five with econ.

TED: I wish Marshall and Lily could have first flown to JFK then we could all be together on the same flight.

ROBIN: Yeah, but the flight from Dulles to Charles de Gaulle was much cheaper and more practical. But they should be arriving at the same time we are, so we'll meet them at the baggage claim or passport control. By the way, weren't Barney and Ellie supposed to be on this flight us?

TED: Oh they are. But Barney has only one rule: fly on first class because that's where the sexier flight attendants are.

ROBIN: And Ellie is his wing girl?

TED: Yeah, she gave him the green light to fool around during this trip, especially since he's the bachelor party king.

ROBIN: [turning to Luke tapping his arm; Luke removes his headphones] Hey, Luke, I hope you're not bored or lonely.

LUKE: I'm all right, thanks for asking, Robin. I may get some sleep soon after they serve dinner. [sigh] Honestly, I wish I was in first class, and it's not because of the better seats or the better food.

ROBIN: Does my stepson have a crush on my ex-husband's daughter?

[Luke hides his face in a SkyMall magazine in chagrin]

ROBIN: It's okay. I think she likes you too. Somehow she ended up having a down-to-earth personality.

LUKE: Must have gotten it from Aunt 31.

ROBIN: Uncle Barney also has a good heart when he wants to.

[Enter Barney with hand on left cheek]

BARNEY: OWWWW! What the hell?

FIRST CLASS STEWARDESS: [with French accent] Get out here you sick pervert! We have no room in first class for people like you. [picks up microphone] Attention ladies and gentleman! We have a vacancy in first class if anyone is interested…

LUKE: [grabbing backpack and leaps from his seat] I'll take it! See you at landing fellows. Goodnight Dad! Goodnight Robin! Goodnight Sis! Goodnight Johnnny! [runs up the aisle passing Barney]

LUKE: Ouch, Uncle Barney! Hurts more than Uncle Marshall's slaps?

BARNEY: Get outta here! I paid good money for that seat! I hope you sleep well!

LUKE: I'll sleep like a baby!

FIRST CLASS STEWARDESS: Me too!

BARNEY: [to First Class Stewardess] Well, I hope you get nightmares, Grinch! (he didn't actually say "Grinch". He said a bad word. A very bad word.) I'm never flying Air France again! I'm sticking to regular US airlines from now on!

[Barney finds his way to Luke's old seat]

BARNEY: Fudge! (but he didn't say 'fudge') These stewardesses can really hit.

TED: More painful than Marshall's slaps, Barn?

BARNEY: Makes me wish it were 2007 again.

[another stewardess designated for econ class approaches Barney. She is slim, tall, and has wavy brown hair. She extends her arm]

BARNEY: [flinging and cringing] What do you want? [notes the bag of ice the stewardess is holding]

ECON STEWARDESS: [with French accent] Here, put this on your cheek. Here, take an ibuprofen, so that you don't get a headache.

BARNEY: Merci, Madamoiselle.

ECON STEWARDESS: I apologize for Sophie. She can be, as you called her, a Grinch sometimes. (still not Grinch) Poor baby, let me get you some blankets and pillows.

BARNEY: Ooh la la!

[meanwhile in first class]

LUKE: Is this seat taken?

ELLIE: Not anymore! Come sit down, Lucas.

LUKE: Thanks. [places backpack in under seat in front of him] God, your dad can be really crazy sometimes…he had it coming.

ELLIE: He's not that bad really. Despite everything, he looks out for me a lot., sometimes a little too much.

LUKE: For a single dad, he must have done a great job. I mean, look at how you've turned out.

ELLIE: Thanks. Your dad definitely did a pretty good job as a single dad during the latter half of the 20s. I mean, look at yourself!

LUKE: Yeah, it was tough for Dad after Mom died. But Robin really gave Dad the support he needed.

ELLIE: It's tough for my dad too. At least Mom and Dad had joint custody of me so I got to spend quality time with both of them growing up.

LUKE: You're wonderful. We basically grew up together, and it's funny how I like spending time with you now as opposed to back then. As kids, it was always you and Penny and Daisy. For me it was all about hanging out with Marvin and Marshall Jr. Stupid latency period.

ELLIE: I'll tell you a little secret. I encouraged Dad to hit on the stewardess, knowing that he'd get expelled to econ. I was counting that you, being lonely as the only single guy with 2 couples, would take advantage and come up here. [holds Luke's hand]

LUKE: [grinning] You little devil! You _are_ a little bit like your old man!

End of Act 6


	7. Penny Mosby's Wedding-Act 7

Act 7.

Charles de Gaulle Airport. Baggage Claim. Robin, Ted, Penny, Johnny, Luke, Barney, Ellie are grabbing their suitcases/duffel bags and placing them on smarte cartes.

TED: I understand you have dual citizenship with both US and Canada now, but I don't understand why you always pack both passports with you.

ROBIN: It's a safety precaution for me, especially in Europe, where it's easy to get pickpocketed. Sometimes the US Embassy is very cooperative when the Canadian Embassy isn't and vice versa in terms of getting me a new passport in case one gets lost or stolen. And also, my Canadian passport comes in handy when I'm in a Commonwealth country.

TED: You get the best the best of both worlds, but I'm the one who can run for president.

ROBIN: [sucker punches Ted's arm] Get outta here! [chuckles]

[enter Marshall and Lily with smarte cartes holding their luggage]

MARSHALL: Ted! Robin!

TED: Marshall! [hugging Marshall] I'm so glad you and Lily could make it.

LILY: [while hugging Robin] Oh, Ted! We wouldn't have missed it for the world!

PENNY: Uncle Marshall! Aunt Lily! [runs to hug them] How was your flight?

LILY: Oh it was great! We got two first class seats and ate some excellent French cuisine! But don't get too jealous! Oh some bad news though. Daisy cannot make it to the wedding. She came down with a bad flu and decided to stay home and recover. And Marshall Jr. just started his new job as a television producer in LA and could not take vacation time at this point.

PENNY: Well, if he has to work, he has to work. I hope Daisy gets better soon.

LILY: She'll be better soon. It is one of those 48 hour bugs. To make up for the absence she has invited you and Johnny to visit her in San Francisco next month.

PENNY: Oh yeah, will do.

MARSHALL: Hey guys, let's head to the carousel for the flight from Logan. Marvin and his fiancé should have arrived from Boston just about now. Actually, guys, Marvin is marrying somebody we know pretty well.

[The gang travel with their smarte cartes to the carousel for a flight arriving from Boston]

Enter Marvin Jr. He has the similar size and build as his dad. His demeanor appears to be that of a very simple jolly person. Standing next to him is a slender woman of Indian descent slightly taller than Lily.

MARVIN Jr.: Dad! [hugs Marshall]

MARSHALL: Marv! How are you my son? How was the flight from Logan? I'm so glad you and Kamala could make it. [hugs Kamala]

ROBIN: So Marv, who is the lovely girl?

MARVIN JR: This is my fiancée, Kamala Singh. Kamala, these are my parents' friend, Robin and Ted Mosby.

ROBIN: So where did you two meet?

MARVIN JR and KAMALA: Wesleyan!

Flashback. Wesleyan dorm, 2030. We see a younger Marvin unpacking.

MARVIN JR'S VOICEOVER: It was about the same time you and Uncle Ted started dating officially. My door was open at my dorm and I was busy unpacking and setting up everything. That's when this beautiful Indian girl came in with a box and said…

KAMALA: [NB she grew up in the US, so she speaks with an American accent] Hey sweetie. Just moved in too?

MARVIN JR: Yeah, came here from New York.

KAMALA: Me too, actually from Brewster. You look like you're hungry. Would you like to have a samosa? My mother made these. And here's some chutney to dip in.

MARVIN JR: Sure. [eats samosa] Wow, this is amazing! May I have another one?

KAMALA: Sure.

[NOTE: Reader, the interpretation of "samosa" is open ended. You may take it literally as the popular triangular shaped Indian potato pastry snack, or figuratively as a euphemism for an illegal recreational drug.]

MARVIN JR: By the way, I'm Marvin Wait-For-It Eriksen. Nice to meet you.

KAMALA: I'm Kamala Singh. Hey, what you glaring at?

MARVIN JR: You are so beautiful, and I love your brown skin. It's so radiant like the sand. And your black hair like a raven.

KAMALA: You're so loveable. I think we'll be seeing more often.

MARVIN JR'S VOICEOVER: And so we'd spend quality time at each other's dorms, eating samosas, and tutoring each other in our core classes [see Kamala and Marvin Jr doing it in their dorm beds.] And whenever there weren't samosas available, we'd eat pakoras (also subject to reader's interpretation). And we have been inseparable since.

Flashforward March, 2034 Marvin Jr.'s dorm room. He and Kamala are looking at their laptops.

KAMALA'S VOICEOVER: Near the end of our senior year our eyes were filling with tears. We were checking notices of admissions from law schools for me and engineering Ph.D. programs for Kamala. Where we got admission to would determine whether or not we'd have to break up. Just as much as I didn't want it to happen, I knew from Uncle Ted's stories about his baker ex-girlfriend in Germany that lost distance relationships suck.

MARVIN JR.: Woohoo! I'm following in my dad's footsteps and going to Columbia Law!

KAMALA: Yes! I got into MIT! I don't have to think about it twice, I'm going there!

[Marvin Jr's eyes fill with tears]

KAMALA: Oh Marvy, don't cry! Boston is only 4 hours from New York. We can see each other on long weekends and holidays.

MARVIN JR: [sobbing] No it won't! My Uncle Ted had a bad experience with a long distance relationship with a baker in Germany.

KAMALA: Maybe it'll be different with us! [pauses] Wait a minute! Did you check Harvard Law School's reply yet?

MARVIN JR: Not yet, but I'm pretty sure it's a no.

KAMALA: Come on, check it out! [clicks a mouse]

MARVIN JR: [smiling] Oh my God! I didn't think I stood a chance! I'm moving to Boston with you! I'm going to Harvard Law School! Sorry, Dad!

Back to 2042 at the baggage claim

MARVIN JR: And we've been inseparable since.

Barney interrupts

BARNEY: Most people are excited to get into Harvard, mainly because of the name and the prestige. You got excited because you could still live with your maharani. Like father like son!

LILY: Barney! It's a beautiful love story! Plus it shows how two people of different cultures can come together in racial harmony.

BARNEY: Aww how cute! [Sarcastically]

Enter Ellie

ELLIE: Daddy! Be nice! For God's sake, you're 66 years old! Act your age! [to Marvin and Kamala] I think you two make a lovely couple. I see Uncle Marshall and Aunt Lily in you two.

TED: Interestingly enough, we have an Indian friend who used to give us taxi and limo rides. His name was Ranjit.

KAMALA: That's my grandfather!

TED: What a coincidence! How is the old fellow!

[Marshall makes a noise like he's clearing his throat]

KAMALA: Oh he passed away peacefully in his sleep in 2037. He was 87 at the time.

TED: Oh I didn't know, I'm sorry! He was a good friend, and a great driver.

KAMALA: When I was in the city as a little girl, he'd always volunteer to drive me around to show me the key sites and land marks. And when I hire a taxi or limo, he still drives me, in a way.

TED: He'd have enjoyed driving us from here to our hotel in the Riviera.

ROBIN: Speaking of which, Ted, we gotta grab a taxi to the station. Otherwise we're gonna miss the train ride to the hotel.

TED: Okay, let's go. Continue the story.

[The gang walks away and grabs a mini van cab]

KAMALA: When I went to help scatter Grandpa's ashes in the Ganges, Marv couldn't bear the thought of me being away for 3 weeks, so he got his visa processed and joined me.

MARVIN JR: After the funeral. I help her with her grief therapy by touring New Delhi, Agra, Rajasthan, etc. They're beautiful places, Uncle Ted and the archicture is fascinating. I love curry and all also. We plan on going again on a happier note, our honeymoon.

KAMALA: He is so much immersed in Indian culture, it's amazing. He's even teaching himself how to speak Hindi. The one thing we never agree on is movies. I love Bollywood movies but Marvy cannot stand.

MARVIN JR: It's a matter of principle, Uncle Ted, speaking as a copywright lawyer. They're usually blatant ripoffs of movies done in the first world nations, for example Weekend at Bernies. I remember seeing this one movie, where the plotline was good, but I just can't seem to figure out which movie it plagiarized. Here, a civil engineer in New Delhi goes to see a dermatologist to get a peacock tattoo removed from his back. He falls in love with the dermatologist, but later he finds out that she has a 6 year old son from a relationship with a cricket coach. The bumbling idiot of a civil engineer invites this cricket coach to his wedding to the dermatologist, but the dermatologist fall back in love again. She marries the cricket coach, and they move to Mumbai to live happily ever after. Uncle Ted, Aunt Robin, do you have any idea which movie it's a rip-off of?

[Ted and Robin's jaws drop]

BARNEY: [muttering under his breath] What the kiss? (he didn't say 'kiss')

TED: [still in shock] I have no idea, Marv.

[Taxi arrives at train station]

MARSHALL: We've arrived. Let's go before miss the ride.

ROBIN: Yeah, hurry up guys.

As the walk into the station with their luggage, Ted now mutters under his breath.

TED: [muttering] What the kiss? What the kiss…(still not 'kiss')

End of Act 7.


	8. Penny Mosby's Wedding-Act 8

Act 8

Hotel Floor Hallway. French Rivera.

MARSHALL: Ted, it's amazing how you got this hotel. It's great that we all got the same floor!

LILY: We'll be like next door neighbors, except you actually like us.

TED: Actually, the credit goes to Robin. Her command of the French language made the reservation process so much easier.

ROBIN: Ted is really picking up the language fast.

TED: At the expense of a sore penis. [Robin elbows him] Well let's go unpack, shower, relax a little bit and we'll meet at 7 pm.

MARSHALL: Okay, see you then.

They open their doors and enter. We view Ted and Robin's room and the first thing they notice is a yellow umbrella standing against the dresser.

TED: A yellow umbrella? That's strange.

ROBIN: Déjà vu? Know a lot of people with yellow umbrellas?

TED: Only Tracy. And I gave hers to Penny when she left for college.

[they walk a little closer where they see their bed. On the bed they see a short brunette woman of Irish-Italian descent sitting on the edge of the bed. Robin and Ted's jaws drop]

ROBIN AND TED: [simultaneously] Tracy?!

TRACY: Hi, Robin. Hi, Teddy Bear!

TED: [waving hand in front of Tracy with eyes of bewilderment] What the hell? Are my eyes deceiving me?

TRACY: No, it's me. And yes, I'm still dead.

TED: This can't be. Robin, you don't believe in ghosts. Are my eyes deceiving me?

ROBIN: I want to say yes, but I see her, and I heard every word she said. What are you doing here Tracy?

TRACY: I came to see Penny's wedding? I mean, after all, which mother doesn't go to her own daughter's wedding?

TED: A dead one! This is really messed up here!

TRACY: Is this how you talk to your wife whom you haven't seen in 18 years?

TED: Well, I expected to see you sometime in the 2060s after I myself die. Not now.

[enter Marshall]

MARSHALL: Oh, Ted, Lily and I just saw a cockamouse…Oh my God! It's Tracy!

TRACY: Hi Marshall, long time, no see.

MARSHALL: 18 years to be precise!

TRACY: Yeah, I'm still dead. I just came for Penny's wedding.

ROBIN: [to Marshall] Yeah after all, which mother misses her own daughter's wedding?

[enter Barney]

BARNEY: Hey, fellas I wanted to know…[sees Tracy] What the fudge? (but he didn't say "fudge")

TRACY: Hey Barn! Yes, it's me, and yes, I'm still dead.

MARSHALL: I'm gonna go get Lily and the others. [exits room]

TED: Okay, Trace. What happened?

TRACY: Well you made that wish on ID4 when you visited my grave about me coming for Penny's wedding. And I recalled how teary eyed you were in 2024 when I asked which mom doesn't make it to her daughter's wedding. And up from heaven, I saw Penny in tears for me when she announced her engagement. I couldn't bear to see her unhappy at her own wedding, so I decided to show up.

TED: Where did you get the yellow umbrella?

TRACY: I took a detour through New York and borrowed it from Penny's apartment.

TED: You mean stole it.

TRACY: The way you did from me all those year ago on St. Patrick's Day. Those are still my initials on the umbrella. I'll return it to her before I go back to Heaven.

TED: [calming down] I'm so glad you're here. I missed you all these years. [Hugs her and kisses her on the lips.]

[Robin frowns]

Enter Marshall with Lily, Penny, Luke, Johnny, Marvin Jr., and Kamala.

PENNY and LUKE: Mom! [run to hug Tracy]

TRACY: Oh, how are my babies? I missed you so much after I died. Look how you guys have grown!

LUKE: We missed you too Mom.

PENNY: I'm so glad you could make it.

TRACY: Which mother misses her own daughter's wedding?

PENNY: Not even a dead one, I guess. [tear of joy runs down cheek] Have you met you future son-in-law?

JOHNNY: Miss to meet, you Mrs. Mosby. Penny talks so much about you. I never expected to meet you in person, much less a ghost.

TRACY: Penny is really lucky to be marrying you. I can take one look at you and tell that you are a warm wonderful human being.

JOHNNY: Thank you Mrs. Mosby. [hugs her]

TRACY: Call me Mom. You're part of the family now.

LILY: Aww!

TRACY: Hey, Lily!

LILY: Hey Trace! Have you seen Marvin and his fiancée, Kamala?

TRACY: Oh you guys look wonderful. [Hugs them]

LILY: We gotta make up for lost time.

TRACY: I am here up until after the wedding festivities are over. Then, I'll return to heaven.

PENNY: Mom, I'd love it if you and Aunt Lily would join Robin and me in doing the last minute planning at the castle.

TRACY: Sure. Just bear in mind that I have to be invisible to most of the general public. They may not subscribe to the idea of a ghost within the premises.

[Robin stands a little back from the crowd, feeling withdrawn]

BARNEY: [to Ted] Ted, may I see you in the hallway?

TED: Ok.

[They go to the hall]

BARNEY: This is unbelievable.

TED: You're telling me? I was not expecting a ghost, let alone Tracy's.

BARNEY: Not that! Both loves of your life are here for your daughter's wedding. One man, two women who love you! You have the perfect opportunity for what they call in this country, ménage a trois!

TED: I don't know…one of them is a ghost while the other one is still a living human being.

BARNEY: It doesn't matter! Haven't you watched "Dona Flor and Her Two Husbands"?

TED: Can't say I did.

BARNEY: It's a Brazilian movie from the late 1970s. Here this woman's indifferent bum husband dies, and she misses the sex terribly. Then she marries another man, who is well-to-do and kind, but is totally bad in bed unlike me. Anyway, she hates the sex from her living husband, so she summons the ghost of her dead husband, who ends up satisfying her in bed. I found the dead husband to be a very relatable character.

TED: Haha, shut up Barney! Robin is great in bed, you ought to know.

BARNEY: Can't deny that. Had a great marriage that lasted 3 years. But Tracy must have had certain "skills" that Robin lacks.

TED: Well she liked to [whispers in Barney's ear, Barney makes "oh" face].

BARNEY: Wow! Robin never did that! Nor did any other woman I slept with! And now here's your chance to enjoy some kinky acts you have missed for 18 years. BTW, remind me to put that in my playbook.

TED: I dunno, it wouldn't be fair to Robin. She's my wife now.

BARNEY: So is Tracy! She didn't divorce you! She died, so she's still your wife! Now is your chance to enjoy the best of both worlds! It's not cheating or dirty!

Enter Robin with flared nostril ridges and wide, unblinking eyes.

ROBIN: WHAT ARE MY HUSBAND AND EX-HUSBAND TALKING ABOUT? WHAT ISN'T CHEATING OR DIRTY?

TED: Oh my God! She has that face!

BARNEY: RUN!

TED: Don't take a picture!

[Barney and Ted run away screaming]

End of Act 8.


End file.
